Post Eurovision Depression – aka PED – has kicked in now as Eurovision 2013 has been and gone. People are lost and already looking to when the first entry for Eurovision 2014 will be selected. Many people talk of the symptoms of PED but we want to give you useful tools on how to overcome these deadly symptoms. Here are our Top Tips to overcome PED
- Eat Alyona of Belarus’ Giant Ginger Bread Icing Covered biscuit that we all got given in the Press Hall. It was the size of San Marino and had about 2 thousand grams of sugar and 2 million E numbers in it – some of which are probably not sanctioned in the EU. You will need a cup of tea the size of a bucket to dunk that biscuit in.
- Eat Alyona of Belarus’ sugar glazed star jellies, alcohol infused fudge sticks and chocolate bars – seeing a pattern here people – Sugar Rush will get you over your PED – Consult your Doctor if one is at risk of a Heart Attack!
- Call the Salvation Army’s Help line – Sorry the “Takasa” Helpline – phew a lucky recovery there.
- Make an appointment with your Doctor (after all that Belarus sugar you will need to) – especially if he has a bedside manner as Dr Gianluca from Malta – what a smile he has that it would cheer even the most cynical of Eurovision Skeptics – And lord there are plenty of them out there! You know who you are! Yes you who think Eurovision is doomed due to block voting and conspiracy theories that Michael Moore is making a movie on as we speak.
- Play the free Danish Tin Whistles that they gave out in the Press Hall and master the highly complex “Da Da Dah Da Da Dahhhh” – you will probably spend many an hour arguing with your neighbours as they will be just as tired as me at hearing that whistle – that rage will take over your PED. If we can master the tune then ANYONE can.
- Now that you are no longer in Expensive Sweden, Alcohol will seem like it is Greek and “FREE” – Sorry Norway that won’t work for you. Hope you stocked up on Duty Free in the airport.
- Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Go on. Take a good long hard look at yourself. Yes you are DARN LUCKY that you were not styled by a 5 year old Serbian Child at Halloween and in the running for the Barbara Dex Award for 2013.
- Take a trip to your local Ikea and H&M stores – you too can get the Robin Stiernberg look and give birth to a light fixture called “Scandinavian Crisalide” like Valentina – page 47 in the Ikea catalogue. Warning – go for the lower amp bulb – am still smoldering here from over heating!
- Give Blood at your local Blood Bank but ask them for the Cezar special and demand 2 needles – in the neck preferably from a 10 foot man in a bejeweled cloak – “It’s My Life” after all.
- Finally – Watch Carola being knocked off the Eurovision Stage while singing to yourself “Le dernier qui a parlé” (“The last one who spoke”) – Revenge is a dish best served pickled!
Author/Website co-founder and Editor in Chief Garrett Mulhall
Source – Eurovision Ireland
Categories: Eurovision Finals 2013